Friday, March 21, 2008

Learn to wait for the right moment

"I love the idea of 'the one,' but I actually believe that there isn't a Miss Right. There are 12,000 Miss Rights out there and it's all timing." - Matthew Perry.

Are there 12,000 in Juneau? Highly unlikely. But timing has been on my mind, because it's the spring equinox; it is one of only two days all year when dark and light find balance. Many people feel that is about on a par with how often their relationship strikes that fine balance. Just like the solstice, people in a relationship have those rare, totally aligned days. The rest of the time they are a little off-kilter but they've still got enough magnetic stick to keep 'em rocketing through space together.

I thought about testing Perry's timing theory, but I wouldn't know how to begin. Nevertheless, I did ask a whole lot of paired-up people when they knew their partner was "the one," and what part timing played in their overall hook-up scenario.

There were more than a few who felt "the one" had gotten away through bad timing. Generally because they moved away either because they got work, or they got deported. Or one of them was in a relationship with someone else.

But even when the timing did work out, it wasn't always a sudden, swept-off-their-feet, timing event. For a few people it took time to get to know each other. Or it took time for their lives to align. A few admitted that the hook-up timing corresponded exactly to the two minutes it took for the little pink lines to appear on the pregnancy test stick. It seems you can hurry commitment, but you can't hurry love.

As with all things love, there are as many stories as there are people in the city. Here is a sampling taken in the children's play area at the Mendenhall Mall. One woman said her future husband was "the one" when he picked her up for their first date piloting his own Cessna. One man provided the pregnancy stick story. Another man said he knew his wife was "the one" the moment he laid eyes on her walking her golden retriever.

One friend was introduced by a mutual friend to the love of her life while at The Viper Room in Los Angeles. At the time she was engaged to someone else, and he was just visiting from Boston with a girlfriend back East. For the next three years they asked the mutual friend about each other. Neither of them committed to someone else. Eventually, timing aligned their lives. She moved to Boston for school, and they were reunited, married and have two children.

My aunt in the California wine country has been dating someone she really likes, but he just left for a three-month Ayurvedic head massage course in India, and can't be reached. Their timing may be off, or it may just be slow. But whether or not he is massaging her head 20 years from now - only time will tell.

Happy spring!

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